prayer paradox: u'll be there

Father,

i know i'm so not a good Christian, by all means. of course, i feel afraid sometimes, afraid of knowing what would happen to me when the time for me to rest eternally finally comes. i'm far from what You expect from me, so far that it will eventually reach a point where i may not have the sufficient time to repent my sins. but i believe and i know that God, that You, will always forgive me, for You are my Father, the Almighty Father. no matter how much time i've got left, i know You'll always be there, smiling warmly to me, with Your arms stretched out, offering me Your helping hands in order to guide me into Your right path.

sometimes, i truly wish that You would enlighten me in a way or the other, more brighter to make it more clear, God. i'm dumb, an idiot, about these religious matters. but i have to believe that You will always create a star brighter than the sun to enlighten me to the path that'll lead to Your unconditional love. because if i can't even believe that You'll be there for me, then who will? You're the one whom i trus the most, cuz simply, You're my God. You're my best friend, my heavenly Father, my Almighty, my light of hope, my helping hand, my shoulder to cry on, You....You mean everything to me, e-v-e-r-y-t-h-i-n-g.

so God, i'm just gonna have to cut it right here. i've got soooooo many things to tell You and share with You, o Father. but sometimes, my true feelings are just too complex for me to shout my heart out, and pour them into words of expression, as i become too overwhelmed by that feelings. so God, You'll just gonna have to be there, until i meet You face to face. when that time comes, You'll understand my feelings for sure, which i know You have, You know everything after all. i'll be telling you the story of what i really feel about You, my Lord. that way, i'm gonna be able to love u back with the similar unconditional love like Your love to me. but until then, until we meet each other for the very first time, let's call it a stop right here - !

in Jesus name i pray,
Amen.