a father's journey to Eden

it's funny sometimes how you think about life, especially when you were young. when you're still in primary school, you think life's an easy journey, without barriers or obstacles of any kind. you think that everything's gonna be okay because you believe your dad can fix anything and everybody likes you and they never say bad things about you. and you look up to celebrities, atheletes, you worship them and you have dreams and high hopes on becoming them. you look in the mirror and you see a champion, your daddy always says that you are a champion, and he always call you that whenever he's talking to his friends, you're always happy with your reflection. you think you look amazing. you get good grades at school, the teachers love you and you have many friends. you just know that you're the best.

as you grow older, around your junior and senior years, you'll meet a few people who start to dislike you, and you'll meet a few people that you dislike. you'll have problem with pimples all over your face and other body-changes which you experience. you'll start to have feeling for the opposite sex, or in some cases, the same sex. suddenly some people criticize you for your appearance. you hate your own reflection, and you start to realize that your body have so many flaws. you're hair's a horrible disaster, you're too fat, your nose's too big, your eyes are too small, you're too short, etc. you start having arguments with your parents, about small things like allowance and girlfriends to big problems like your future. you start to learn that the world is cruel and cold. in this time of your life, you're struggling hard to find your identity, you'll feel lonely at times. and daddy doesn't call you a champion anymore, because you told him to stop cause your friends think it's ridiculous. and for the first time, mommy's hugs won't help. and you hate fairy tales, you envy their happy endings.

as you go to college and start to work, you'll see the world with both eyes open. you'll see the different problems different people have. you start to learn how to survive, you become more mature and independent, and you start to gain confidence. you become more serious in your work, you communicate as adults with your parents and you start to seek a serious relationship, not just a crush, but true love. you start thinking about marriage and you start planning your future. you'll have more realistic dreams, you'll have a realistic goal. unlike your younger days, when you want to be superman, now, you just want to get a promotion, or finish college. you aim lower, you become more concerned and careful in making decisions. you become wiser, and you'll start to accept yourself with your flaws and all. you become a true adult.

as your age gets older, you'll lose your youth physically. you'll have worse eye-vision, you start to get forgetful in your old days. you'll have grandchildren and retire from your work. you become less interested in the world, you get bored easily, you become tired and you just want to relax. you'll love to sleep and just sit on your porch, watching the nature revolve. you'll stop your diet and be less concerned about your looks, you start to eat healthy food so your diabetes wont relapse . you're bold and you'll miss your children so badly because now they have their own family to take care of. but you're proud of yourself, because you have succeed in building your own empire, your own family, and you have marked your existance in the world since your fist child was born. you are proud because you succeeded on becoming five different men at one lifetime, a husband, a son, a grandchild, a grandfather, and most importantly, a father. your job is done. and sometimes, you find yourself just waiting for death.

and today, today you'll know something new is about to happen. you sensed it, and you know you can't be wrong. as you lay your head on your pillow and close your eyes, you see your wife and a man beside her. you're not afraid, you wont open your eyes, you dont want to, because you know your time is up. the man beside your wife stretched out his hand, you reach for it and you feel safe, you feel warm, the greatest joy in your life. you smile... but your children cry, like you used to long ago, when your daddy died.